JUST ME

A chickadee friend of mine.

Salvation,can I tell you exactly the time and place this happened to me? No. My salvation has been a long  on going process, not like most Christ Followers who can tell you the day and time. I can not. I can tell you that the process of my Salvation  started at around the age of 15, and then a lot of bouncy and rough roads later it is still ongoing. I can't say that all of a sudden when I called upon Yeshua that I felt His wonderful presence, and I heard the angels sing. No light from heaven , no lightning or thunder.No I have never had that kind of blessing. It has been a long process of just a 'knowing' that just keeps growing. It has been a yo-yo experience with me ,from believing and not believing,  from wanting to believe and not believing,from  forcing my self to believe and not believing, and yet this knowing, and that is the only way to describe it continues to grow. When I have either drifted away, or just left The Way because of fear or disappointment, the Holy (Momma of GOD)Spirit would always be there and re -enforcing that Knowing and so I would return yet again. I would have rather had a real big Divine encounter, which would have been alot easier for me to believe but God has not determined that approach with me!
Do I have a correct doctrine? Probably not. Do I go to church and affiliated with the 'right' denomination ?No. But I do study various bible studies, I read various devotionals, I visit alot of websites, and I read and study from various Translations of the Bible, all the while holding tight to the Holy Spirit learning to hear , following and obeying as I am able to hear and understand her.( I say her,the word for Holy Spirit is in the feminine, as well as Holy Wisdom,Hebrew the word Ruah (Spirit) and in Aramaic the word Shekinah (Presence) are feminine words and imply a feminine divine presence.My personal understanding is that GOD is both Father and Mother in essense,  so I have chosen to follow that lead).
So what is it that I exactly Know here? I just know that The Way of Yeshua/Jesus the Messiah is really true, but everything else will just have to move along at God's speed for me to know, although I would rather have all my answers now , thank you very much, but that is not how God has chosen to work with me. So I am not one of those who think  they know all they need to know about what it means to be a follower of Christ. I definitely do not have all the answers, I go day by day, some days I have lots of doubts other days I feel pretty good about it all. Yes I wish I was great with words and could preach a fine sermon, I wish I could come up with just the right words to win you over, I wish I had the Bible smarts to show you all the right doctrines and the way to believe...Nope not me.I am just a simple woman, a simple country girl, living a simple life on the road with my trucker hubby who is now an agnostic but there is hope for him yet!
I can read the signs though, and the signs of the time are showing up more and more,that our age we live in now is getting shorter and shorter and  the heat is  being turned on more and moe. I have known from my first encounter with Jesus that I was living in the last days, how I know, I just do, I have felt that I would still be around, although I might be quite old, when Jesus returns for HIS own. I may not be able to explain all of this in terms of the right scriptures to point too, but I have enough understanding of Scriptures to at least point you to these the basic truths. I thank God that the Holy Mother Spirit is the one to open that understanding for  each us even more as we acknowledge God in our lives. It says in Scripture, 'lean not unto your own understanding (which I try not to everyday) but acknowledge God and he will direct your path". So as we do this, we can be sure to be led in the way we should go.
Do I have a big ministry with oodles of followers? Nope, just me and God. I believe we are all ministers of reconciliation, and ambassadors of the Kingdom , and I am thankful to be just that.
blessings and shalom