I have started many blogs about my walk in Christ only to delete them after a month or so. Why? because I felt like such a hypocrite, I would write about my true desires and guidance from God only to later feel that since I was not walking in it successfully that I was painting a false picture. So my last blog entitled ' A WORK IN PROGRESS' I deleted , but felt lost because I had no place to write what I truly desired in me even if I was not successful at living it. I picked up a 3 month devotional booklet that a local Church had laid at a truck stop, I had seen them there but left them many times,not caring to read what they have to say, but this day there was just one left and I picked it up and took it with me to the bathroom just to read while in there...........you all have done this I know, read in the bathroom!I also read it in private because my husband really does not want me to be a Christian, and honestly most of the time I don't care to be either, because of all my attempts at it were not pretty and all the disappointments,I have difficulty with much of the O.T. and many aspects that I read in the N.T. I have never felt comfortable in the lifestyle that is called 'Christianity', so I wanted to read this booklet without his knowledge (it's not that he is a meany about it, its just that he has been greatly discouraged with Christianity/Churchianity, as well as I, and he really does not want me to go through that drama again). Any way as I was reading these words popped up in that particular page I was reading .....'a work in progress' so I thought how strange for that to be in that particular paragraph , it really didn't fit the topic. So I took the little booklet with me. Then about a weeks worth of reading, of which most I didn't care for, I came upon that term again...' a work in progress' and I knew that God was truly speaking to me about my blog status, I was wondering at the time, if whether or not I should try to do it again. You see I travel full time with my husband who is a trucker, I don't drive but I fix all the meals and do the book work and keep him company while he drives. My health has gone down hill over the years with severe arthritis and mobility issues, I can't really stay home by myself anymore. I do not have a church home, and really never had one, I never felt comfortable in one, and being on the road makes having one impossible anyway. My husband is an Agnostic and I have teetered back and forth as one as well over the last many years. The official church and many TV ministries have left us cold in regards to Orthodox Christianity and so we left it . But God will not leave me alone and so I go back and forth in my faith....I never fit well into any 'religious mindset' be it Pagan or Christian.....I am not the strong committed Christian person that many portray that they are, I am not strong in my faith, and I wish I was. So what I believe God wants out of this blog for me is that it will keep me focused on Him and His life in me as we do this work in progress within me , it will help me stay on track and own up to my actions. This blog will act as the means to keep me focused and centered on Christ. Since I am alone in this faith, a 'misfit as it were' I have no out side contact with others most of the time just me and hubby, I talk to a few truckers now and again and see family not all that often so I am really isolated and so it is just me and God.
So this blog is that journey that I am on, my ups and downs as I struggle to keep Christ as my focus instead of 'self'. This blog will help keep me honest with my self and with God..........at least that is why I think I need this space for at the moment.
The struggle to believe in this day of unbelief is so overwhelming, that it is not funny at all. I do not pretend to know the answers to life's difficult questions but I do know God is the source to go to for those answers. I have bounced back and forth from belief to unbelief and I am not happy about that, from Neo Paganism to Liberal, Moderate and fundie Christianity, what I have discovered is that God is real, loving and cares for me, and religions will stick it to ya. That Jesus, Yeshua the Messiah is real and he did not come to start a new religion, we have enough of them, He came to show us the One true God and How we can know Him as He did and does.............This blog is about that journey of Christ working in me, changing me from within , it is continual and ongoing. It is not about what I do or try to do but what God within me does, in and through me.
It is truly a Work in Progress,
blessings,
patc.
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